


Remorse

by aimforthedogstar



Series: Wolfstar and Prongslet [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Mild Angst, Raising Harry, Wolfstar raise harry, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-27 05:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16696699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aimforthedogstar/pseuds/aimforthedogstar
Summary: Sirius and Remus take Harry and run away following the events of Halloween 1981. Four years later, Sirius comes to know of Walburga Black’s death. And as much as Sirius claims otherwise, it bothers him more than he lets on. Luckily for him, Remus can read him like a book.





	Remorse

**Author's Note:**

> This just came to me and I decided to write it.

Remus came home with Harry in tow from the market, groceries in one hand and a small hand grasped tightly in another. It amazed and humbled Remus at times that Harry was a happy child, despite all the darkness in his past. He applauded his boyfriend’s decision to leave Europe entirely following the aftermath of Halloween,1981. What’s left for us here, Remus, Sirius had said. Their relationship mended, it took its time and they took their time. It came down to having a child in their care, the losses they had suffered and the gratitude towards the very few blessings they had left. As much as Remus wished otherwise, the death of their friends and having to take responsibility of Harry sobered Sirius up in life. They made life work, they vowed to give Harry the life he deserved and worked every day to make that happen. All in all, they built a life, far away, in a quaint little cottage.

He entered the kitchen and found the man he loved sat at their dining table staring intently at a piece of parchment in hand. Remus noticed that although his gaze was fixed on it, he wasn't seeing anything. He didn't even notice them come in. Remus’ brow furrowed in slight worry. Sirius was like a dog, his ears would perk up at the slightest amount of noise always. 

Harry, oblivious to Remus’s observations and his worry pooling deep in his belly, upon noticing Sirius ran and jumped onto his godfather’s lap announcing, “Hi, Padfoot. Whatchu doing? You’re home.”

Broken out of reverie, Sirius smiled down at his godson, although Remus noticed the smile wasn't at its usual brightness, abandoned the parchment to the table, wrapping his hands firmly around the boy and asked, “Hello love. How was the market today? Hmmm, had fun with Moony?”

Harry enthusiastically nodded his head and went on to prattle about all the exciting things he saw and did. Sirius listened with a small smile playing at his lips but Remus could tell his mind was elsewhere entirely. Once Harry was done, Sirius instructed him to go play in the lounge while he helped Moony with dinner and Harry happily obliged. When he was out of the room, Sirius got up and walked to the sink, beginning to wash up. 

Remus noticed the slightly slumped gait and his worry intensified. Unable to bear the off-attitude, he questioned, “What’s on your mind Pads? Something’s wrong.”

Sirius, straightened his shoulders still staring at his lathered hands, replied, “I got a letter today.” When Remus’ eyebrows shot up, now worrying because no one knew where they were, Sirius was quick to clarify, “It’s from Gringotts actually. Goblin magic could send letters to us I guess. They don't bother with wizarding rules anyway so I think we’re safe.” Sirius took a deep breath and continued in a rather monotonous voice, “It was to notify me about the death of Walburga Black and how I am the sole beneficiary to the Black family fortune now.”

Remus, immediately letting go the task of putting away the groceries, approached Sirius and put his arms around his waist as he muttered, “I’m sorry Sirius.”

“It doesn't make much difference to me,” Sirius added, now looking out through the window in their kitchen. Remus could tell this wasn't the case but just then Harry came barrelling into the kitchen. 

“Padfoot, I’m bored,” he whined. “Can we go play with my bicycle, please?” Harry asked with hopeful eyes. Sirius’ love for motorbikes was translated into love for bicycles in Harry, as Remus wouldn't allow Sirius to get one or let Harry near one. Sirius believed Harry would be made for a broom but that was something neither were willing to risk their safety for, so Harry would have to wait until he was older. And for now, a bicycle would do. Sirius smiled at Harry and replied, “I gotta help Moony with dinner love.”  
Harry wore a pout, that he certainly learned from a certain dog animagus, and turned towards Remus. Remus had to roll his eyes at this but he was unable to resist that look which was a fact well known to both Sirius and Harry. “You go on, some fresh air could help. I’ve got dinner sorted.” Harry whooped and ran out of the room, presumably to put his shoes on, while Remus grabbed Sirius hand as he made to leave, “We’ll talk later, yeah?”

Sirius just smiled and said, in an all too careless manner, “Nothing to talk about moons.” He leaned in to place a quick peck on his lips and followed after his godson.

Still a little worried, Remus turned to the task at hand. Soon, dinner was ready. Sirius and Harry were back, as soon as they had returned, Sirius had carted Harry off to wash up. All through dinner, Sirius kept up an image of nonchalance and engaged in silly conversations with Harry. But Remus could see shadows in his eyes, ones he hadn't seen for a long time. And he decided that post-dinner, once Harry was in bed, he would get Sirius to talk. They had promised each other that things between them would never go unsaid. He wouldn't allow Sirius to retreat into a shell as he was prone to do in school when he received letters from home.

After dinner, Remus gave Harry a bath, read him a story and finally got him to fall asleep. The boundless energy never managed to awe Remus. How such little body can hold so much energy is beyond me. He then made his way to their bedroom and stood at the door, leaning against the doorjamb gazing at his partner lying still on the bed, just staring at the ceiling. It was Sirius’ tell-tale sign that something was bothering him, because if it was, he would think hard on it, turning it in his head over and over. He forgot the existence of the outside world, being still as a statue. Despite his previous claim of disinterest in his Walburga’s death, it seemed to be on his mind all day. “You know, you always sucked at nonchalance,” Remus said in a mild tone.

Sirius snorted but didn't offer any verbal reply.

Leaning away from the door, Remus entered the room. He closed the door behind to stave off any noise from awakening Harry. Magic was used rarely and only if necessary. He sat next to his lover on the bed, hands immediately going to long locks on his head, and continued, “And its alright to grieve Sirius. She may have been a horrible mother to you, but she was still your mother.” It was a sensitive topic, but he would get Sirius to open up. 

Sirius leaned into his touch, closing his eyes and replied, “I’m not grieving for the mad bat.” Sirius opened his eyes and turned to look Remus in the eye and voiced, “Its just…” and cut off.

“What?” questioned Remus in a low soothing voice, in response to the slight distress written over Sirius’ face.

Sirius sighed and began, “I was wondering if she ever felt remorse.” His lips quirked in a sardonic smile and he added, “For all her delusions of self-importance and royalty, I wonder if she ever felt remorse to what happened to her family. To what happened to Regulus and her husband and most importantly to her precious Black family name.”

Remus didn't know what to say, didn't know what the right words were. But he figured he didn't have to because Sirius went on, “You know Regulus was always her favourite. Always.”

Of all the family topics, Regulus’ was the most sensitive. Remus knew a part of Sirius blamed himself for his little brother’s fate. And the unknown made the wound raw. They didn't know how, what or why about his death. “I guess there was a time when she cared equally for both of you,” Remus ventured.

Sirius gave a short humorless laugh in response and said, “No, Regulus was always her favourite. I was my father’s favourite.”

Remus was shocked at the last statement. Granted, for as long as Remus knew Sirius, it was always his mother that he heard about, he knew very little about Orion Black. And his shock must have been evident as Sirius let out a more genuine laugh this time. He sat up and leaned against the headboard so that they were eye to eye and said, “For a short time in my childhood, I was my father’s favourite. He wouldn't mind my pranks, saying it showed my cunning. He would curb my mother’s ire to a great extent. He would even show a little pride whenever I would sweet talk my way out of stuff, saying I was as smooth as a snake. You see, for my father, family was everything. And everything between us changed when my “transgressions” and “my claims and half-truths” began to question that, when he saw something else take precedence for me other than family, that I was willing to put something else ahead of them, was what destroyed our relationship. He always thought Reggie didn't have much of a backbone and a mummy’s boy at that. At this point, my mother was less human and more a banshee so he distanced himself from us all and watched it all go up in flames.” With more venom in his voice, he continued, “My mother on the other hand, for her, status, money, the heritage and ancestry, the purity was more important than anything else. She fed all those lies into Regulus’ head and lined him up as a sacrifice to the Dark Lord because all the purebloods were doing it. He was sixteen, she knew the danger but her societal status and bigotry took importance over her child. And for all that, look how it ended up, her beloved Regulus died before eighteen, she destroyed her husband by destroying everything around him that he withered away. Its highly unlikely that I will have children, I’m the last one alive and with me, the oh-so-prestigious name of Black dies. All this for what, I don't understand. Did she feel remorse? In some corner of her mind. Or did she snuff it when she realized I was the last one and all the family fortune falls to me.” He added the last part in a more lighter tone which was a poor attempt at humour according to Remus.

He still didn't know what to say, Sirius’ family had always been a sensitive topic, not to be discussed, unless, on rare occasions, Sirius himself would bring it up. So he said what was on his mind at the moment, “Its funny that after knowing for more than a decade, I learnt more about your family tonight than in all those years.”

Sirius’ lips quirked at that, some of the shadows of the past dissolved from those grey irises that Remus loved so much. Sirius heaved another sigh and mentioned, “You know what’s really funny? That for the who’s whose favourite kid, Regulus was more like my father. Believed in familial solidarity. The little bugger always wished for a happy little family. I think he even convinced himself into thinking that’s exactly what we were.” He looked away from Remus and continued, “Me, on the other hand, take after my mother, my principles and beliefs come above all else.”

Remus immediately protested, “That’s not true, Sirius.”

Looking back into his eyes, Sirius questioned, “Isn’t it? My way of thinking was what drove us apart and I held onto to it so strongly and chose that over them. What I thought was more important than anything else. Given, it was morally right, but…”

Remus immediately moved to sit on Sirius’ lap, grasping both his hands tightly and bringing his face close to Sirius locking their eyes and said with enough force, “Sirius, you shouldn't have had to choose at all. And it was their abuse and treatment towards you that drove you apart. And you had to choose to save yourself, otherwise, it would've killed you. I’m sorry for all of it because you deserved none of it, but don't you dare, even for a second, think anything was your fault. Regulus wasn't your responsibility, he made his decisions. Just like your mother made hers and you made yours. Understand?”

Sirius nodded, unable to speak around the lump in his throat. He wasn't sad by her death, he was more emotional over how it ended for all of them.

Remus moved his hands to Sirius’ face, cradling his cheeks and brought their lips in a soft kiss. The emotions Remus put in behind that kiss caused the lump in his throat to grow heavier. A corner of Sirius’ mind always blamed his own darkness for all that happened to those around him. But, in times like these, he was reminded of all the light and love he had. And for that, He was so thankful for his lover that words couldn't even begin to express it. It also dawned on Sirius that he felt lighter. He hadn't opened up about his parents like that to anyone, not even to James. But doing so tonight, to Remus, who understood all that was said and all that was left unsaid. And that was when he realised how safe Remus made him feel, that feeling that Sirius first learnt from James. He had thought that that feeling of home was something he wouldn't feel again. But, as they both laid down, entwined in each other’s embrace, surrounded by his warmth, with Harry safely asleep in the room across, he was grateful that he managed to find a home again. 

Darkness can only be won over by light and the light in his life, Remus and Harry, shone brighter than the star he was named after and with that, Sirius went to sleep, thinking he could conquer just about anything in life.

**Author's Note:**

> This became longer than I expected but I like it. I might make it a series as to how I think they escaped Europe with Harry, what happened with Peter and how Sirius never went to Azkaban or them coming back to Europe when Harry's eleven. Let me know what you think. Thank you for reading!


End file.
